I knew it was time to call an emergency meeting of our fellowship of Hoopaholics Anonymous when I saw the list of tournament games on TV today, and was trying to figure out if I could actually watch a game on my big TV in the living room, while also watching a game on the TV in my office, which TV sits next to my computer monitor on which I could be watching a third game simultaneously?.
Or, if it made more sense to just watch games on one set, switching between several at a time, or trying to figure out how to use the picture in picture function?
Then I realized I’m watching the U of L game at a friend’s house later this afternoon, and couldn’t figure out when to go over there, so that I could minimize missed action in the Big Ten and Big East and SEC?
At which point, my head felt like a three egg scramble. I knew it was time for a meeting.
Hello, my name is Seedy K, and I’m a hopeless hoopaholic.
I know it’s that time of year, when all gathered here have things to share. So, let’s get started.
“Hi, my name is Frank,1 and I’m a hoopaholic.
“Last night I was watching the AAC game between Central Florida and Temple and my mind started drifting. I realized that Doris Burke is my dream date.”
Thanks for sharing, Frank. You’re in the right place. Burke is certainly one of the two or three best college or NBA hoops analysts on TV, male or female. And, the former Providence hoops star would certainly be a great conversationalist. Especially this time of year.
But, shouldn’t you really think this fantasy through? You are, after all, a happily married man. Besides, what you see and hear during a game may be totally different than sharing time over a Pina Colada at Trader Vics. Next.
“Hi, my name is Billy Jim, and I’m a hoopaholic.
“I was just wondering if you guys and gals think that Coachh Cal will hire Little Richie when his hard time is done and he gets out of prison?”
BJ, how many times do we all have to tell you, you’ve got to give up on Little Richie? But, hey, thanks for sharing again. It’s really courageous of you to do so. Please, keep coming back. Please.
“Hi, my name is Leon, and I’m a hoopaholic.
“I started growing a beard when Rick and all of my Cardinals did. But I never shaved mine off when we lost at Memphis State. It’s gonna get warm in the next few days and this thing really itches. I want to shave it off, but we’ve started playing really good again and I don’t want to jinx us.”
That’s a tough one, dude. I don’t think any of us can really tell you what to do. I know it’s hard to believe, but whether the Cards win or lose has nothing to do with whether you still have a beard or not. But, your superstition is very real. Just make a choice and don’t beat yourself up if and when U of L loses.
“Hey, hey, hey, my name is Beasmondre, and I’m a hoopaholic.
“I got a buddy who says that Coach Cal’s new twerk is that he’s got all the guys drinking Calamine Lotion before the games, that there’s some secret ingredient what’s gonna make ’em jump higher and run faster.
“So I got two questions. One, do you think that’s really what Cal’s twerk is? And, if so, should I maybe head to the CVS and get me some of that Calamine Lotion to chug myself before tip off tomorrow night?”
Well, Beasmondre, nobody really knows what Cal’s secret tweak is, and we won’t until tomorrow night. So, your buddy might be right. I know I wouldn’t personally drink any Calamine Lotion. Unless, of course, Cal himself said everybody in the BBN needed to do it, so the Cats would play better.
“Hey, my name is Joe, and I’m a hoopaholic. And I just saw on my phone that Seton Hall is up 13 over Villanova, late in the first half. And I wanna stay. But I gotta get to my TV and see this.”
You’re absolutely right, Joe. This meeting is over.
— Seedy K