Well, my fellow football fanatics, I assume that small, but vocal contingent of naysayers, they know who they are, is off somewhere in Mississippi, the new epicenter of pigskin pulchritude, skulking about somewhere betwixt and between sorority row and The Grove, hoping some Betty Coed will be willing to administer a damp cloth to their fevered brows.
Not that I wish them ill, of course. But, I do feel compelled to advise those who feel compelled to regularly impugn my predictatory prowess, the kid is back on his game. Went 4-1, last weekend, with only my absurd pick against my beloved Quack failing to register on the left hand side. (See below for further mea culpa maxima.)
That bit of verbosity aside, without further ado, let’s look ahead to another weekend of –Boolah! Boolah! Rah! Rah! Sis! Boom! Woooo! Pig. Bah! Sky! U! Mah! — college football.
This weekend’s winners:
Washington @ Oregon. At this juncture, I do wish to offer my sincerest apologies for picking UCLA to best the Quack last time out, to Phil Knight, the denizens of Portlandia, Senator Wayne Morse, Sally Struthers, Linus Pauling, Matt Groening, Doc Severinsen, James Beard, Phyllis McGinley and Linus Pauling, Oregonians all, as well as any other Quack fanatic inconvenienced by my misguided pick against the Ducks. My hair shirt fits snugly, and itches like a mo fo. With that runover the Bruins in the Rose Bowl, the Quack is indeed back in the playoff race. Several Top 25 matchups and rival Oregon State remain on the slate. This week, fresh off a big battering of the Golden Bears in Bersekely, Washington’s 5-1 Huskies come a callin’ @ Autzen. The rigors of a double Iditarod would be less onerous. Having to my peril jumped off the bespoked ones bandwagon before, and now avowing it shan’t happen again, I’m back. Quack.
Baylor @ West Virginia. One must assume all the bulbs in the Morgantown scoreboard have been checked. This is a game in which one or both of these offense-minded but defenseless squads might hit triple digits. That is not meant to be a joke. Okay, yes it is. Last season in Waco, the Mountaineers tallied a most respectable 42 points. And lost by 31. Which 115 combined total points failed to match the 133 point tallied the season before in W.Va’s 70-63 W. Last weekend, the Bears gave up 58 points, but still prevailed over the Horned Frogs by a FG, coming from three TDs down, scoring 24 in the final 10:39. Art Briles’ Bears are obviously a better team than the twice-defeated home squad. But can they conquer Almost Heaven, West Virginia? I may rue this, but . . . I. Don’t. Think. So.
Notre Dame @ Florida State. Allow me to be the first to dub this battle of unbeatens, “Catholics vs. Convicts, Part Deux.” Which is not to say the Irish haven’t embraced the Pakistani Graduate Student Imperative in recent campaigns. Their stellar QB had to sit out a season due to academic improprieties. Five of his teammates are doing so as we speak. And a campus date rape allegedly perpetrated a couple of seasons back by a wearer of the team’s golden dome was conveniently swept under the pulpit by the High & Mighty in South Bend. Which is not to in any way disparage the boffo job they’ve done in Tallahassee, shielding scofflaw/ outlaw/ perhaps felon serial autographer Infamous Jameis Winston, in a manner that would make Robert Downey Jr. jealous. My guess is the latter shall play on Saturday night. Even if he doesn’t, the visitors will need have to that Seminole spear surgically removed before heading back to Wabash country.
Kentucky @ LSU. The one and only question that needs to be asked here is whether the resurgent Wildcats, who have come a long way, have come far enough to beat an underwhelming Bayou Bengal squad in Baton Rouge on a Saturday night? If they do, cue the already prepared and ready to play “Les Miles to Ann Arbor Rumor & Innuendo Tape.” If they don’t, it will be a same as it ever was, but hopefully soon to change situation. If Kentucky wins, there shall surely be some good ol’ Cajun fellas up near Bayou Teche, clamoring for a return of the halcyon days of Paul Dietzel and the Chinese Bandits. Though I trust they shan’t use the word, “halcyon.” “Where’s Billy Cannon, when we really need him?,” they’ll be hollering. It won’t be necessary. While a Wildcat L is far from a sure thing, UK doesn’t seem quite ready to prevail in this environment.
North Carolina State @ Louisville. The Cards, who, for the second time, let one slip away on the road, this time in Death Valley last Saturday, are surely glad to be home. Except maybe for Kai De La Cruz, who doesn’t seem pleased by much of anything. The rest of the squad should also be most pleased that the foe is the Wolfpack, who rolled through the non-league slate, but stand 0-3 in the conference, giving up 42 ppg in the process. The last times these schools met, this weekend’s visitors bested the Cards in the Belk Bowl. N.C. State is not nearly as good as that edition. U of L, despite its offensive woes, is significantly better. With its W Saturday, Louisville shall attain the new standard of acceptability in college football. The Cardinals will be bowl eligible. And season ticket holders’ mailboxes, snail and email and text, shall be filled with forms to fill out to secure tickets for the post-season game, whenever and wherever and against whomever it shall be contested.
— Seedy K