Actually it’s a Horned Frog.
The bear is Smokey. Yeah, that Smokey. The one that wears the forest rangers hat Smokey the Bear.
This particular Horned Frog is TCU kicker Jaden Oberkrom.
He’s the specialist who won last weekend’s battle in Morgantown with a FG at 00:00 on the clock. Immediately afterward, he was mobbed by teammates and that Smokey beast, who had him in a — Got to say it — bear hug.
The moral: Only (TC)U can prevent furniture fires.
Because, well, fires aren’t really a good thing, be they in the forest where Smokey roams — except on football Saturday –or, along fraternity row.
So, while Smokey and all the Horned Frogs were happy. No West Virginia victory meant less chance of celebratory couch burnings.
There were a couple of folks especially distraught when Mountaineers couldn’t hold on for the upset. Other than the coal state’s fan base, and that guy in buckskins who roams the sidelines with a musket.
Also bummed was Big Al, proprietor of Big Al’s Sofa World in Carbon City, W. Va. He was ready to open his emporium Sunday after a W by the state school, and the resulting arsonfest, with a twofer special for any customer, coming in to his store with the cremated remains of his or her chaise.
The other not-so-please fella was yours truly. Who, uh, picked West Virginia to win.
Yes, kids, it was indeed a gray weekend on the pigskin planet. That’s never a good thing.
I’m not just talking about those camo-flecked gray atrocities U of L’s Cardinals were co-opted to wear Thursday night. Which were, to members of the Red & Black devoted, depending on their level of tolerance, a) horrendous, b) sickening, c) projectile vomit inducing, d) absurd, e) hideous, f) the ugliest thing since Renee Zellwegger before her face implant, or f) all of the above.
The epidemic of gray, a heinous pall, even enshrouded Westwood, where UCLA’s Bruins, whose school colors of Cali blue and gold are the most pleasing and iconic in all of college sports. Unfortunately for Arizona, and one other being, UCLA overcame the impediment for a big W.
That other unhappy soul? Uh, me. Because I predicted a W by Rich Rod’s Wildcats.
Bottom line, the only winner I correctly prognosticated last weekend was Mizzou. Which was the one prediction I would have been happy to be wrong about.
The gray 1-4 weekend leaves me 29-21 for the campaign.
Undaunted, sure that this upcoming slate of games will make me right, I journey forth with these sure winners:
Ohio State @ Michigan State. You remember the Big Ten, right? Used to be a playah in college pigskin. Bo. Woody. Biggie Munn. The Galloping Ghost. Three yards and a cloud of dust. That Big Ten, when there were really only ten and the Big meant Big. Well, if that Power 5 league is going to be relevant come come-on-down-and-play-in-the-playoff time, it’ll be Sparty or the Buckeyes. Savior Pope Urban has lost but thrice, since he took to anointing the faithful in the Olentangy. but one of those setbacks was a meltdown-comeback-meltdown against the Greenies in last year’s conference title game. M.State led 17 nil. O.State led 24-17 with 20:00 minutes to play. M.State proceeded to gather roses, tallying the final 17, booking its trip to Pasadena. This is but one of what we now call Elimination Games, in this season, the advent of a real playoff. Meyer’s men are marauded, left green with envy. Book ’em, Dano.
Alabama @ LSU. It is said that the Crimson Tide’s most supedduperüberfan Harvey Updyke lives in exile somewhere in the Bayou State, far from Toomer’s Corner, where he got in touch with his inner tree-borer. Will he dare show up in Baton Rouge Saturday night, adorned with one of his 75 houndstooth ball caps? While not currently in many of the legit playoff projections, Harvey’s Roll Tide are lurking like vultures right outside, waiting to feast. This is the first time these schools have played in awhile — four games if you’re counting at home — when one hasn’t been #1 and the other in the Top 10. Sooooooo, will the already eliminated Tigers with two losses be too much for Harvey’s beloved Crimson Tide? Saturday night in Bayou Country? Seems to me that Saban’s fellas are a might more wobbly than we’ve come to expect in recent seasons. But have lost only once this campaign . . . so far. When the clocks strike midnight Saturday, there’s gonna be some happy two-stepping Cajuns.
Kansas State @ TCU. Raise your hand if you voted this the Big 12 Game o’ the Year before the season? That’s what I thought. And, hey, you Mr. JoyBoy, sit down, your just being a provocateur. Solid and steady Snyder State has lost only once. To awesome Auburn by six. Should the Purple survive this trip to Fort Worth, they still have to run the gauntlet with a back-loaded schedule that still includes trips to West Virginia and Baylor. Which means even if the Wildcats survive, there far from a playoff lock. But, if they win those, and beat hapless Kansas, they’ll be hard to keep out of the playoff. The Horned Frogs — as described in the lede above — did survive Morgantown, despite only scoring 31 points. Are they ready for their second monster foe in a row? Yes, I say.
Georgia @ Kentucky. There are some performances that are simply inexplicable. Like, say, seventysomething Paul McCartney giving a three hour show without breaking a sweat. Or, Georgia’s Bulldogs giving Will Muschamp hope for continued employment in Gainesville, by inexplicably melting down in the World’s Largest Cocktail Pahrtay. Then again, it’s kind of what Mark Richt’s teams do. Underperforming, that is. Which is what UK did last weekend in Columbia, Mo.. Mark Stoops has poo poohed the idea that his Cats are anywhere near ready to perform with the SEC’s upper echelon. Who am I to disagree? Well, Seedy K, ever the contrarian, and a believer kinda that Kentucky is ready for one more profound W this year and hoping it comes before the not-so-traditional season ender with U of L. On, on, UK.
Louisville @ Boston College. I can recount in vivid detail — much of which I shall spare you — what the Cards last trip to Chestnut Hills was like. October 12, 1991. I was still still hobbling on a bowing leg, injured severely when hit by a car while jogging a year earlier. The day before the BC game, it broke again, while I was trying to tour historic Faneuil Hall. With my pals, I attended the game with the aid of newly purchased crutches. Make that, attended half the game. Louisville played like it needed crutches. So awful was U of L, we left at the half and went shopping on Newbury Street. The Cards fell 3-33, just another disappointment in a 2-9 campaign, during which, frankly, Schnell’s squad spit the bit and stopped trying. This year, the Cards have also been somewhat of a disappointment, failing to rise to the occasion and closing the deal against quality foes. Or Virginia. This is the test to see if this edition of the Cardinals has some moxie? The Cards have been performing better — except on D last week when the unit simply wore down. Will it show Saturday night? Do you really think I would, in this space, conclude any answer but yes? To get my mojo workin’, during the game, I intend to wear the way stylin’ shirt I bought that afternoon in ’91 at Louie’s of Boston.
— Seedy K