(I know, odd metaphor, but work with me here. It’s been a long weekend, my pupils are shaped like footballs and there’s still the Seminoles and Johnny Rebs tonight.)
Guys with funny DeMilleian helmets, armor on their chests, alleged **** and ***** warriors, drowned in that Crimson Tide that seems to swell up like hurricanes in the Gulf every year come autumn.
Leaving lovers of college pigskin to wonder, is there any school out there with enough ballast to survive the deluge?
Is this to be another sequel? “Scourge of the Crimson Tide: Return of the Son of the Bride of Houndstooth XVII”?
Are we destined for another Bama coronation come January? Another heyday for Harvey Updyke?
And, if it’s not to be, whither the interloper? Could it be, might it be, will it be that not so little ol’ school from Texas?
No not Matthew McConaughey’s Burnt Orange Hook ‘Em Horns. I’m talking about the upstart non Power 5 guys, who can slip over to Ziggy Gruber’s deli for some knishes when they need to carbo load, the Houston Cougars. Who are led by a man child on D named Ed Oliver, who is the fiercest, most agile and mobile frosh big un I believe I’ve ever seen on the gridiron.
Stick with it, folks. If Week I is a harbinger of things to come, it’s going to be too fuhrshlunginer even for Alfred E. Neuman.
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How crazy so far?
Well, yes, a MAC school always beats a Big 10 school. Every single year. You can look it up. 11 in a row. Nothing out of the ordinary about that.
Buuuuuuuuuuut, Western Michigan’s W over Northwestern was secured only after a Wildcat fumbled the ball into the endzone for what would be the winning TD if he’d a held on, then the ball bounced out of paydirt, only to be inexplicably batted back into play by a Bronco and recovered by NW. Fortunately for the underdogs, the guy’s foot touched out of bounds. Touchback. Victory saved.
Then there’s Navy, you know, Annapolis. Which now might stake a claim to the 13th Man thing that Texas A&M has owned for decades. Freshman Malcom Perry was in the stands, savoring the Midshipmen’s play against Fordham. But, due to injuries on the field of battle, was called to duty, and had to find a uniform and get in the game. It bodes well for the nation’s security at sea.
Then there’s Appalachian State, who had the supposedly ready for prime time Volunteers by the short and curlies. In Knoxville. But lost because of a missed extra point and eminently makeable FG.
Or the fans of victory starved Rock Chalk Jayhawk, the few who showed up, then stormed the field after a win over, um, Rhode Island. Only to be admonished by the public address announcer that perhaps it wasn’t such a big deal at all and to show some class.
Or how about Brent Musburger’s pithy comment about Bobby P, mentioning how good a coach the Louisville mentor is, “when he gets off the motorcycle.”
Or that Michigan’s lauded marching band stripped away any remaining obfuscation that big time college sports is about anything but $$$$$$. During halftime, to honor attendee Michael Jordan — and the school’s multi-million dollar contract with Nike — the band formed the jumpman logo on the field. Right next to the block M.
Bo Schembechler, I feel your pain.
Or that it’s been 46 years since two Preseason Top 5 teams lost on opening weekend. Les Miles, Bob Stoops, wilkommen to the Dead Men Walking list.
Not a great day, Saturday, for the Stoops family. Bob and one bro lost in Houston. And Mark, the one with the perennial deer in the headlights look, watched helplessly as his Wildcats — to coin a phrase — wrenched defeat from the jaws of victory. Yet again, coughing up a 25 point lead against less than vaunted Southern Mississippi.
Or that alleged offensive savant Brian Kelly not Charlie Strong appeared the mentor who didn’t quite know how to juggle his QBs.
Or that the SEC lost 6 times over the weekend, with Ole Miss a possible 7th tonight against Florida State.
Can it get any curioser?
Well, yes, I guess, if Matt Elam actually starts playing football.
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On the plus side.
Nebraska’s tribute to former punter Sam Foltz, who died in a car accident, was seriously touching. The Huskers lined up to punt with ten men, no kicker, and took a delay of game.
(To the assholes who burglarized Foltz’s brother’s house during the game, shame shame shame on you. My the Lord have no mercy on your souls.)
Paul Finebaum, love him or hate him, made some seriously stupid comments about the state of racial relations in America, claiming nobody was oppressed. After the avalanche of criticism, he realized his mistake. And, unlike most public figures, made a truly contrite, unequivocal, taking full blame and not trying to prevaricate apology.
And kudos to Florida State wideout Travis Rudolph. When visiting a middle school as part of a team activity, he noticed a boy sitting by himself in the lunchroom. So he sat down and engaged the youngster named Bo, who it turns out, has autism. And loves the Seminoles. And whose life has taken a turn for the better, thanks to Rudolph’s lovely gesture.
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Finally, Lamar Jackson has insinuated himself in the national conversation.
He’s the Walter Camp National Offensive Player of the Week.
And, ESPN football writer Mark Schlabach finally put the Cardinal phenom on a Heisman hopeful list. At #4 behind JT Barrett, Nick Chubb and Christian McCaffrey.
— Seedy K