Welcome to Seedy K’s Peerless Pigskin Prognostications, based on an exclusive copyright-pending, scientifically formulated program of forecastination — Predictionarium™. It is algorithim-free, gluten-free, sugar-free and free free.
Each week of the regular season in this space, intergalactically revered, college football authority Seedy K shares his expertise, providing in advance the sure winners of three major matchups, along with the victors of that weekend’s battles of the University of Louisville and University of Kentucky.
A new season beckons. The hard drive with results of past campaigns has been securely erased. The slate is clean. Every school, except for that handful that lost in meaningless whet your appetite hors d’oeuvres last weekend, is undefeated.
I am too, and intend to remain that way throughout.
Let’s get this party started:
Washington vs. Auburn (Atlanta). I have attempted to conjure up my inner Gerardus Mercator, noted cartographer, to see if there’s a water route UDub’s loyal sailgators can take to Atlanta for this anticipated season opener against the War Eagles. My less than exhaustive review of the situation indicates no major waterways are attendant to the Dome, meaning a most circuitous route with serious portaging would be necessary to get Husky fans there by boat. Not to mention the digging of a temporary lake in the parking lot. Which is one of the lesser problems facing the FCP wannabe travelers from the Great North Woods. Battling an upper echelon SEC foe on its own turf in the Land of Cotton where old times are not forgotten, that’s the Herculean task. It’s kind of the reverse of what eastern schools deal with when playing in Pasadena. Chris Petersen’s Dogs appear ready to return to the glories of ’16, when they made the Final Four. Jake Browning and Myles Gaskin and those who pave their way are the deal. A W here and they’re on their way to the national semis. Auburn’s final two battles last season were Ls in the very same Mercedes-Benz Stadium where this encounter shall be contested. Three in a row? Nah. UDub could be outside the candy store with its face against the glass again come Selection Sunday. Toomer’s Corner gets toilet paper rolled.
Michigan @ Notre Dame. Midwestern non-conference smackdowns of this magnitude are few and far between, especially as a season opener. The Wolverines vs. Fighting Irish in South Bend . . . this is what college pigskin is all about. (Or so they cliché, north of the Mason Dixon line.) Coach Khaki’s career coaching his alma mammy has been sort of like that of his favorite rocker Sammy Hagar. Not bad but nothing special. It’s essentially been No Go Blue against Michigan’s big rivals. Five Ls last campaign, and the denizens of the Big House are a might antsy.. Soooooo, Harbaugh lured QB Shea Patterson away from the dressed for cocktails sorority gals in the Grove to lead Michigan back to the glory days of Benny Friedman. Meanwhile Brian Kelly and the Irish have never fully recovered from the havoc rendered by one Roniah Tuiasosopo, who made up a GF for star Manti Te’o named Lennay Kekua. Then there was the vacation of all Ws from the undefeated regular season in ’12.. But a Citrus Bowl victory over LSU has the subway alumni (and NBC Sports) revved again for a serious run. But the visitors are resolute. Hail the Victors.
LSU vs Miami (Fla) (Jerry World). Not nearly as traditional as that battle addressed in the previous paragraph is a made for TV matchup between an ACC power from the Everglades and an SEC power from the Bayou in suburban Dallas. But it should be a good one. While the folks at Georgia are not lamenting that they pushed Mark Richt out the door, his alma mater in Coral Gables is happy he’s back. Richt’s a guy who has a specific plan for everything including how to properly make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (Never use the same knife for both ingredients.) But that attention to detail didn’t help as the U, undefeated through ten, fell in its last three games to Pitt, Clemson and the Badgers. Meanwhile Ed Orgeron hasn’t yet fully won over the faithful in Baton Rouge. He lost an unacceptable four last season, and his career record (LSU, Ole Miss, and Southern Cal) is a less than glossy 31-33. To compound the wariness of Tiger fanatics, this year’s starter at QB is another B1G transfer. Joe Burrow Jr., formerly a Buckeye, is the new Danny Etling, a former Boilermaker who defined mediocrity when directing the Tigers. The Canes are favored, and while it won’t feel as bad as Katrina, the Louisianians get battered again.
Central Michigan @ Kentucky. It’s good for UK that MAC teams do not fare quite as well against foes from the SEC as they do against schools from the B1G. The Cats have never lost to the Chippeawas, who have never beaten anybody from the Wildcats’ league. Buuut, Central has beaten a Power 5 school in each of the last few seasons, including ’17. That is if you consider Kansas a Power 5 team. This is the kind of game, and victory, that will have some of the BBN hopeful when UK travels to Gainesville next week. Which positivitude will surely dissipate on some key play when Mark Stoops and his assistants will be frantically signaling the players on the field while forgetting to insert a CB, thereby giving up the winning TD. But that’s the future, UK’s got another juco calling signals. Come on down, Terry Wilson from Oregon via Garden City JC. CM at home in a relatively empty Kroger Field is the now. Cats escape. Central looks ahead to a visit from Rock Chalk Jayhawk next weekend.
Louisville vs. Alabama (Orlando). The Cards have won one in a row against the vaunted Crimson Tide. That New Year’s Day ’91 W was bittersweet for yours truly. I buried my father that morning. Yet dad, a long time Cardinal fan, was surely smiling with approval as family and close friends assuaged our grief while watching the Cardinals dismantle one of Bama’s not so great squads. If U of L jumps ahead 25 zip in this one, we will have a story to tell. But, it ain’t gonna happen. Which is not to say that a U of L victory is unequivocally, absolutely, guaranteed out of the question. “That’s why they play the game.” Those who have previously followed me in this endeavor know I never pick against the Cardinals. As Bobby P says, you gotta believe to make it happen. So I say Cards prevail, in the biggest pigskin upset involving a school from the Commonwealth since C6-H0. Make it Cardinal 31-Crimson 28.
— Seedy K