Not to mention that Chanukah started last evening at sundown.
Which means that last night was Latke Fest. Thus much time was spent consuming lots of potato pancakes and apple sauce. For some reason I was trying to become to latkes what Joey Chestnut is to Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs.
So a very early wake up call from my arch-nemesis, He Who Is Known More Far And Wide Than He Would Like As Joey the Vig, was the last thing I was expecting. Or desired.
Before dawn it came. Joey’s on vacation at some island in the Mediterranean, so he’d been up for awhile. And apparently sitting by the cabana bar, keeping in touch with his action and his minions.
During which interlude, which was way pre-dawn here, he noticed the lines listed in the Thursday’s ad insert-laden Courier-Journal. 1
One particular college football point spread jumped from the page.
Florida -27 1/2 against Florida State.
Here’s what I heard word-for-word when I picked up.
“Yo, Seedy, whatdafuck is goin’ there? Somethin’ in the water that’s makin’ people crazy?
“My guy’s are callin’ me every five minutes, tellin’ me there’s all this action on the Seminoles from your town. They can’t figure it out.
“I tell ’em, ‘Take care of it, I’m on vacation here.’
“Then Giuseppe — he’s my main man — gets on the phone, says ‘No, boss, we got a real problem, serious, something’s screwed in Looeyville.”
For some reason, The Vig thinks I can control anything that happens here that might affect him. Morning line at Churchill. Chane Behanan’s behavior. Whatever.
“Joey,” I implore, “it’s five in the morning. I’m still sleeping. The C-J is full of mistakes these days. I got nothin’ to do with it. What do you want from me?”
“Seedy, do you have any idea how much action I’m going to have to return, when your neighbors realize what a furcocked line that is? Fix it.”
“Joey, Joey, I’m not out of bed. I haven’t seen the paper. What do you expect me to do?”
“Well, my good friend,” he says, “here’s my advice. Fix it.
“Or, expect a knock on your door.”
— Seedy K