After Johnny Foosball and the Aggies’ comeback against the Blue Devils fell short of covering the spread last night, I knew I’d hear from The Vig.

Because, for the first time ever, I lead his annual Bowl Pool, heading into the New Year’s Day pigskin anschluss. Fortunately there was no knock on the door, just my phone ringing early.

It was the alluring voice of a jeune fille, the husky voice of a hottie proud of her new 36 Cs, given to her as a Christmas gift by You Know Who.

“‘ello? Eeese thees Monsieur Seedy K?”

“Uh, yes.”

“‘Old the line, s’il vous plait. Jewwwwy la Vig would like to speak.”

Not much to say about the rest of the conversation. Joey’s on his usual holiday jaunt to the Seychelles. I don’t believe that first voice belonged to the Mrs.. It wasn’t the only giggling murmur I heard in the background during Joey’s attempt at congratulations for leading his pool for the first time ever.

His parting words were ominous.

“Just remember, Mr. Big Shot Sports Blogger. Anybody whose future winnings depends on Bo Pelini is more likely to end up Humpty Dumpty than Jack Dawson.”¹

So, it has come to just this.

If the Nebraska Cornhuskers keep it close — within 8 1/2 of Georgia — I’ll have my eighth winner in a row. I’m also rooting today for the Gamecocks, Les Miles’ Tigers, Sparty and Central Florida, underdogs all except LSU at -7 1/2.

From this lofty, and I am so sure, precarious perch atop the standings, I need to briefly address those naysayers who dissed my pigskin prognostications all season because I didn’t factor in the spread.

“Whaddaya think now, ye nabobs of negativitude?”²

On the other hand, my fate is in the hands of such undesirables as Les Miles, George “Don’t Read My Resumé” O’Leary and their charges. Not to mention the inexorably awful Bo Pelini.

The year is off to a very nervous start.

— Seedy K