The Hilltoppers, certainly the equal of the politically incorrect Fighting Illini, couldn’t close in Champaign-Urbana, letting another embarrassment for the Not So Big Ten slip away. Which allowed frat boys and sorority sisters at the school where WKU boss Jeff Brohm used to coach to slip into Saturday night reverie with a W.

Coach Charlie Strong’s Longhorns not only didn’t finish, they never started. Texas was gobsmacked by Book of Mormon, 7-41.

If not for those two setbacks, the kid here would have celebrated a perfect weekend, because U of L, UK and the Oregon Quack took care of biz.

Sigh.

Well, after an unsatisfactory 5-5 record so far on the young season, I’m getting my rhythm back. Uncle Mo’s back in town. So I’m ready to provide five sure things for this coming weekend.

Here goes:

Penn State @ Rutgers. All those who said this duo would constitute the feel good stories in the once storied conglomeration known as the Big Ten, raise your hands. Liars, liars, pants on fire. That W at Wash State was huge for the Scarlet Knights. That video of heralded alum Ray Rice cold cocking his future bride in an Atlantic City casino elevator? Not so huge. Paul Robeson is once again the most celebrated State U. of Jersey footballer. The Nittany Lions won in Dublin, won in State College, and won in the NCAA’s Court of Last Resort. James Franklin’s former school Vanderbilt is arguably the worst performing of any of the Power Five. Did Franklin know something we didn’t about the ‘Dores personnel? Anyway, I hope the TV ratings are big for this battle. Why else would a school from Jersey and one from Pennsylvania be in a midwestern league? The bubble bursts for Rutgers. Nittany Lions steal away with a W.

West Virginia @ Maryland. Call this Kinda Cardinal Bowl. If not for the Mountaineers’ wrongly perceived lofty status, U of L would likely be playing a Big 12 schedule these days. Fortunately it’s not. If not for the Terrapins skipping off to the Big Ten, U of L would likely be facing a June Jones-less SMU in an AAC game this weekend instead of UVa in an ACC game. So, a heartfelt thanks from yours truly and Cardinal faithful everywhere to both W.Va. and Maryland (Not) My Maryland. The Under Armour Fashion Statements are a slight favorite, thanks to home field advantage, though the Mountaineers ten point defeat to the Crimson Tide is the most impressive performance so far by either of these middle of the pack outfits. Unis win. Dana Holgorsen adds a body guard when he goes out at night in Morgantown.

Texas vs. UCLA @ The JerryDome. Only the reality that Charlie Strong’s gang has been outscored 14-79 in its first couple games in the new coaching era makes them the more disappointing performers of this pair. The Bruins barely escaped in Charlottesville, then were nip and tuck to beat Memphis State by a TD. Memphis State? The Longhorns are going absolutely nowhere. At an accelerated pace no less. UCLA still has big aspirations. Not to mention Brett Hundley Jr. and Myles Jack, who, if on their considerable game, could probably beat the Burnt Orange with a roster filled out with my readership. The Bruins are the only team here with a chance to rise from their malaise. They shall. Wilkommen to your new life in Austin, Charlie.

Kentucky @ Florida. Those schools I’ve already talked about above aren’t the only ones with something to prove. The Gators started out last season in the Top 10, and proceeded to lose its last seven. Ouch. This is not how things are supposed to happen in Gainesville. One of their four Ws last season, obviously before that season-ending slide, came against the more woeful UK Wildcats. Kentucky bviously, despite the less than stellar competition so far, is a much better football team this year. Beating Eastern Michigan 65 nil tells us nothing about Florida. Still, despite being a program on the uptick, the Cats don’t have the maturity and firepower to breakthrough just yet.

Louisville @ Virginia. Here it is, Cardinal fans. Louisville’s first major chance to show it’s ready for the Big Leagues. Yes, the W over Miami opening night was nice, was necessary, affirmed the Cards might be contendas. But a league win on the road would be something else again. Especially against a feisty outfit, itching to put the newcomer in its place. And to confirm that they, UVa, is one of the country’s most improved outfits. Well, Wahoos, the Cardinals look to be improved too. While performing far from perfectly. U of L goes to 3-0, 2-0 in the ACC.

— Seedy K