Hoopaholics Anonymous: Early Season Weirdness

Hi, my name is Seedy K, and I’m a hoopaholic.

Does it seem to anybody other than me that the beginning of this season is curioser than most?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Anyway, who needs to share?

“Hello, my name is Bronco, and I’m a, well, I don’t know. My wife made me come.

“Anyway, did you know that for all the grief about U of L football, the team has one thing to be really proud of. It’s one of only two schools that Alabama played this season, that didn’t allow the Tide a score of 40 yards plus?”

Uh, well, okay, Bronco, for what it’s worth. But I believe you want to be with our sister group down the hall, Chinstrap Obsessives Anonymous. This meeting is for people addicted to basketball.

Anybody else?

“My name is Nate, and I’m a hoopaholic.

“Have you seen the first reveal of the NCAA’s NET rating system, the one that replaces its RPI mess? Ohio State is #1. Did they think that game Saturday in the Horseshoe was basketball or something? Loyola Maramount is ranked tenth. I mean, really, give me a break. If they used my algorithms at 538, it would be way more accurate. This is criminal.”

Well, yeah, Nate it does seem to be a bit off, but it’s early. Not a lot of data. Shouldn’t we give it a chance?

Besides, aren’t you the guy who said Hillary had an 80% chance to win the election?


“Hey there, my name is Mike and I’m a hoopaholic. I’m coaching at Detroit Mercy now, got my son on the team, but have you seen what’s going on at Texas Southern, where I laid the foundation, made it to the Dance four of my last five seasons?

“The Tigers beat Baylor. In Waco. And last night, beat the Oregon Ducks, even though that Bol Bol guy scored 32 points. Nobody can accuse me of leaving the cupboard bare sown there.

“Which is not to mention my son Antoine is leading the my Titans in scoring at 30 per game. Plus we’ve won three in a row.”

Very nice, Mike, keep coming back.


“Yo, my name is Bookstore Billy and I’m a hoopaholic.

“U of L is only a five point dog to Michigan State. Do you think the Cards will cover?”

Billy, maybe you need to go to Gamblers Anonymous. But, I’ll share this. After the Cardinals fell to Marquette, even though they’d played pretty well, Coach Chris Mack said of the loss, “We don’t take away any excitement from losing games.”

Cardinal fans could care less about the spread. They and the team want a win.


“Hi, my name is Marv and I’m a hoopaholic.

“I used to play for the Cards. Yeah, back in the day. But, have you seen what’s going on with my brother Frank’s old school, Furman? He scored a hundred once for the Paladins, you know? Back in ’54. Against Newberry. Anyway Furman’s already beaten two of last year’s Final Four teams. Nova. And Loyola. How come Furman’s not in the NET Top Ten?”

Furman is 7-0. So I don’t know. Maybe, Marv, you can get together with Nate after the meeting, and he can explain.

We’ve got time for one more. Who needs to share?

“Hello, my name is Gary and I’m a hoopaholic.

“Have you guys read the piece I wrote at cbssports.com about the two things Mike Krzyzewski does that most college coaches don’t?

“You should check it out. Anyway, Coach K leaves guys in with two fouls in the first half, instead of always pulling and sitting them until after intermission. And he’ll go 2 for 1 at end of half situations, like the guys in the pros.”

As for the 2 for 1, Gary, good point. None of us has ever figured out why college coaches for the most part don’t use that ploy. As for leaving guys in with two fouls before halftime, Duke’s got not one but two replacements on the bench should the guy foul out. No other teams have that luxury.

OK, that’s all the time we have for . . .

“Hey, my name’s Billy Bob, and I need to share. How come Coach Cal can’t recruit anymore?”

Billy Bob, we’re out of time. Get with that guy in the corner in the “Go Big Blue” sweatshirt after the meeting, and maybe he’ll commiserate with you.

— Seedy K