I remember being at some party back in the day, and there was a fellow I didn’t know who had obviously been trying to hook up to no avail with an attractive lady, whom I also didn’t know, but very much intended to try and meet.

“I’ve been trying to get in touch with you,” he told her as I eavesdropped. “But you never return my calls.”

“Listen,” she replied, “if your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me on the line.”

She turned and walked away.

Which is how I felt — kinda — after another perfecto weekend, my second in the last three weeks, third of the season.

Did I hear from either of my arch nemeses, Badger Billy or Doppelgänger Boris, offering some props?

Of course not. Mum was obviously the word.

(And, should I deign to mention the latter’s name again, it will simply be Boris. The rest is too unwieldy and umlautian.)

I was laying in wait for Badger Billy, had he reached out. He would have given me shit as usual for picking another slate of easy games. Even though Oregon was an underdog at UDub, and Michigan really needed a W in State College, and almost came back and got it.

Then I’d have said, “Hmmm, yeah, I guess I could have picked your Badgers, the biggest sure thing on the board over the Fightin’ Illini.”

Mic I didn’t get a chance to drop.

So, yeah, 5-0 pushes me to 28-14 for the season, a hefty 67% on the correctitude meter.

This week’s winners:

SMU @ Houston. Things have just gotten curioser and curioser in Houston. Just a few years ago, led by the defensive equivalent of Lamar Jackson, the Cougs were 13-1 and blasted Florida State in the Peach, back when the Seminoles were the Seminoles. Coaching shifts. Incoming: Dana Holgersen, who musta justa hada enougha West Virginia so he stepped down a notch to the AAC. Then his legitimately Top 10 QB D’Eriq King decides to redshirt for his senior season. But insists he’s returning fer sure next season to the TDECU gridiron. Meanwhile UH, allegedly an AAC title contenda, has been floundering. But would love nothing better than follow homie Archie Bell’s advice, do the tighten up, and hand the surging Mustangs their first L of the campaign. Ain’t. Gonna. Happen.

Duke @ North Carolina. For some unfathomable reason, this pigskin battle doesn’t seem to get as much hypebolic hype as when the neighboring institutions of higher learning battle on the hardwood. Wonder why? Until current mentor David Cutcliffe arrived, the Blue Devils only real success came during the Ol’ Ball Coach’s short stint there, when he was still a young whippersnapper ball coach. Carolina’s been a bit better with some sterling defensive aces like Lawrence Taylor and Julius Peppers. Duke is 4-3, but has lost two of last three. Carolina is 3-4, and only beaten Georgia Tech in its last five. Dickie V will not be in the house. Tar Heels prevail. Both fan bases turn their attention to hoops.

Indiana @ Nebraska. Other than the ’67 John Pont/ Harry Gonso/ “Run John Run”/ Rose Bowl Hoosiers, IU has been a nonentity in the world of college pigskin. Throughout any given week any autumn I’m engaged in any number of conversations centering on football. Though right across the river, with many IU alums in my burg, never are the Hoosiers mentioned. In the Land o’ Huskers, it is of course the exact opposite. A zillion and a half consecutive sellouts. Tom Osborne more revered than the Lama himself. IU is 5-2, though the only W of any consequence is a squeaker over the Terrapins. Nebraska, thought to be back this season, has been throttled by both Ohio State and Minnesota. But, let’s just say the Hoosiers get a Frosty upending, and their fans, like those of the schools in the previous paragraph, turn their attention to tipoff.

Missouri @ Kentucky. Because of injuries, the starter at QB by necessity is a former multi-star prep phenom that the fan base has been curious about. Come on down, Mac Jones. Oh my, pardon me, my mistake So sorry. He Who Was Once A UK Commit will be calling signals, not against reeling Mizzou at Grocery Store Field, but opposite the Arkansas Razorbacks on the grass at Bryant-Denny Stadium. For the Crimson Tide. Excuse my gaffe. More’s the pity for the BBN, whose Cats seem bereft of a legit P5 QB at the moment. Of the alliteratives, Sawyer Smith is probably still injured and the WW guy isn’t quite ready. Lynn Bowden is game, but, well, he wasn’t too truly effective in the rain between the hedges. Meanwhile, the last time out, the Tigers joined the Badgers last weekend as the biggest bit spitter outers of Game Day. They fell to miserable Vandy, which had only one previous W, and had succumbed just the week before to nonentity UNLV in NashVegas. Will Missouri show me (and others) that last week was an aberration? Yes, the Tigers go Krogering. Cat food cleanup in Aisle 5.

Virginia @ Louisville. Apparently there’s an article in the latest “Current Biology” about the White Bellbird. I don’t read that ‘zine, but I read an article about the article in the New York Times. This particular species of oiseau is reported to be the loudest on the planet, described as sounding like a pile driver. There’s a video, and, trust me, it’s no chirp. Which I mention for it’s time for the resurgent Cardinals to start crowing like a jack hammer. The formidable if inconsistent Cavaliers arrive in town, just as the Cards are hopefully ready to prove their rejuvenation is not a mirage. The visitors sit atop the ACC Coastal, and are coming off a decisive smackdown of Duke. But the week before they fell at cellar dweller Miami. Which UVa team will show up? For that matter, how the Cards will respond after being whipped by Clemson is a matter of significant curiosity. I loved Coach Satt’s attitude after the L. Below that good ol’ boy exterior is one intense football coach. The uptick continues. Cards prevail.

— Seedy K