The Battle of the Behemoths is inevitable.

I, without a scintilla of prevarication, absolutely, positively guarantee it shall come to pass.

Walter Sobchak, mark it ten.

If not Baylor vs. Gonzaga, and more about that in just a sec, there shall be Godzilla vs. Kong at a cineplex near you starting this Thursday.

(FYI, there are actual odds on that battle. King Kong is -150. I’m goin’ with the ‘Zill, because it rhymes with the Ville.)

As for the Dance, the Bears vs. the Bulldogs is far from a given.

But, as much as I hate chalk, it would be a fitting end to this berserko season, and the Big Dance that always — always — delivers.

Here’s my analogy, a stretch perhaps. Won”t be my first, or the last.

You know how you’re driving on one of our wide tributaries, like Poplar Level or Bardstown Road, cruising within the speed limit as you approach a light, which is just turning yellow? Your inclination is to speed up just a smidge to make it through the intersection, before red appears.

Then you suddenly realize there’s a car in front of you. And the driver, looking to save $4.32, apparently has one of those safe driving insurance apps, and thus is stopping. So you have to hit the brakes.

Like that, kinda, sorta, there are pitfalls for both of the Top Two.

Baylor has the most daunting Sweet 16 encounter. ‘Nova will not go down without a fight. Arkansas, Loyola, Syracuse, and Houston all present legit obstacles.

Oral Roberts and its fans shall return to campus, again finding clandestine refuge of hanky panky and beer pong in the fundamentalist environment. And the Beavers shall return to the Great Northwest Woods to build damns, and hear about how this was the school’s best run in the tournament since PG/ Heisman winner Terry Baker.

The ‘Zags look mighty formidable, workmanlike almost, as they have since the season tipped.

But the Bulldogs too have some foes ahead, who could derail the deal.

Mark Few does have something this season that sets his squad apart from previous editions.

Minnehaha Academy grad Jalen Suggs.

Doc opined yesterday that Suggs is “nasty.”

To which I replied, “Nasty is good.”

Anyhow, I want wackiness to continue, but I also want to see these two go Godzilla vs. Kong on the final Monday of the season.

 * * * * *

The gang of U of L netters, who made it to the post season, got off to a slow start against Marist.

Then Jeff Walz turned on the pressure, sat star Dana Evans, and forced the Red Foxes into 1/11 shooting and 8 turnovers in the 3d.

As I always admonish, I do not, unfortunately, pay as much attention to the Louisville women’s team as I should, or to draw conclusions.

Which I do anyway.

As Evans sat on the sideline, with her hands folded in her lap, she did not look mad. But did appear perturbed. When the Cards were rolling and others on the bench were up and shouting, she applauded almost perfunctorily. Like she was at a mediocre piano recital, and felt obligated.

The caveat: I may be totally misreading her body language.

I certainly hope so, and pray I’m not being too harsh on this beloved baller.

She’s the leader of this Cardinal contingent, and needs to be on her game for U of L to make a run.

Their next game is against Northwestern, Wednesday at 5:00 on the Deuce.

 * * * * *

Coach Nose Picker is at again.

On the bubble, as Syracuse has been for the last half decade, the Orange have made it to the Round of 16 as a double-digit seed for the third time in that span.

Oh, that zone. I read somewhere that ‘Cuse is 9-2 in the tourney as a double-digit seed.

Plus, this time around he’s blessed with sharp shooting progeny, Buddy Buckets.

 * * * * *

Iowa and Fran McCaffery were crushed by the Quack.

The serially underrated Dana Altman’s Ducks laid 56 on the Hawkeyes in the 1st. And cruised from there.

🙂      🙂      🙂  Meaning like from ear to ear.

 * * * * *

The Pacific-12 continued its rampage.

Over the intercom: “Colorado you’re wanted in the principal’s office. Immediately.”

Southern California nudged Rock Chalk Jayhawk by 34.

Thus the Trojans joined the league menagerie of Beavers and Bruins and Ducks for another weekend.

 * * * * *

And, on the fifth day we rested.

While taking a moment or two of silence for Elgin Baylor, the very First of the Modern Hoopsters.

— c d kaplan