So yeah it was your basic LSD flashback sort of  opening weekend in the Chinstrap Nation.

App State scored 21 points in the first three quarters, then tallied 40 points more in the 4th. And lost,61-63 to the Tar Heels. Them empty two point tries ‘ll get ya every time. If only they could have tapped into the spirit force of Forest Evashevski. Whose Iowa Hawkeyes had a couple points to spare. They conquered South Dakota State by an old school 7-3 score. Which lucky seven they accumulated with a FG and, count ’em, two safeties. A 5-3 W would have been so very appropriate for that offensive offense-less battle.

Houston and Texas San Anton went for a few OTs before it was decided. Wyoming and Tulsa also needed extra time. NC State survived East Carolina, only when the latter’s kicker shanked a FG and PAT late. F Bomb Kelly’s Bayou Bengals scored on the last play of the game. Then had their game-tying PAT blocked. The Dabos and Ramblin’ Wreck played a somnambulant opening half that made that Hawkeye/ Jackrabbits “battle” look downright scintillating.

But, other than that . . .

So, it is with no embarrassment whatsoever I advise that I only predicted 2 of 5 correctly. Arkansas and Kentucky won. Purdue, Utah and Louisville were defeated. Leaving me Even Steven, or is it Even Stephen, at 3-3 for the still young campaign.

It’s Get Back On Track Week at Seedy K Sports Tower. Everything is 11% off.

Alabama @ Texas. Lee Corso will be in the House. The Pope will be in the House. So, the first question is whether this Network Battle of PreGame Shows is the biggest such smackdown since Bruce Springsteen was on the covers of Newsweek and Time the same week? If you youngsters will  get your faces out of your phones for just a sec, Gramps will explain that there was once upon a time an era when people read weekly printed on paper newsmagazines. Which they’d get in the US Mail, or buy at what we called newsstands. It’s true, you can look it up. Having signed that dynastic HS QB from Isidore Newman School in the Crescent City, Longhorn Coach Sark has a year of grace, in advance of The Anointed’s arrival. Which will provide a smidge of cover from the oil baron NIL guys after the Crimson Tide rolls, with the nation looking on.

UTSA @ Army. Because I watch so much sports, oh so many games between teams I have no organic emotional connection to, I tend to take a rooting for odd reasons. Like for Wyoming, because of that great bucking bronc logo. And Texas San Antonio, initially for reasons I can’t remember. Then learned their mascot is Rowdy the Roadrunner. Meep. Meep. (Some schools’ cheer invokers need to be sent off to join the Sexual Harassment Panda on the Island of Mascot Misfits. Like the Providence Friar, whose visage could ward off a gang of villainous dragoons. But I digress.) Jeff Traylor took over a 4-6 squad, went 7-5, then last year 12-2 and were C-USA champs. UTSA dropped its exciting opener in OT to Houston. The Black Knights also fell in their kickoff battle. Will those fellas from the Lone Star State fall prey to the charm of the Hudson Valley when visiting West Point? No. Meep. Meep.

Iowa State @ Iowa. It is a basketball term, scorned by many who believe that English should be spoken only as taught to them by some tight-sphinctered school marm. “Score the ball.” I actually like the phrase. And believe it is also true in football during these high scoring daze. Which is to say, after scoring but 7 opening weekend as they did, against a BCS school, the Hawkeyes’ OC is fortunate that the head coach is his father. Iowa is favored in this the 68th skirmish for the Cy-Hawk Trophy. Oddly by the same slim margin they prevailed over South Dakota State. The home team has won the last six in this series. But, you gotta be able to score the ball. That streak ends.

Kentucky @ Florida. Like many before him across the land, Gator coach Billy Napier was considered a sure thing to bring Florida back to the glory days where it once belonged. Unlike most before him, his charges looked seriously coached up in their opening weekend W against the Final Four contenda Utes, secured by a very late pick in the paydirt. One game does not make a coaching career. Especially in the Land of Cotton, where it just means more. The jury’s still out on the Cats, who yet again for reasons Mark Stoops would love to reveal but just can’t will take to the gridiron without their best player. Between 1987 and 2017, UK was skunked. Since then, the Cats have won twice, including last campaign when the Dan Mullen Era was melting down. Napier does not look like a one trick pony. Gators.

Louisville @ Central Florida. Yes, the national Dead Man Walking Watch for one Scott Satterfield has already commenced. Matt Fortuna at theathletic writes a weekly “Cover 4” column during the season. One of this week’s quartet of topics is that Brohm Back To Louisville thingie, the Purdue mentor and U of L legacy hinted at awhile back while chatting up a luncheon in town. Who knew the intrigue would commence so early? As for this week’s game, I’m inclined to wonder if the Florida Governor’s disassembly of the Reedy Creek Water District, which included some if not all of Orlando I believe, will affect the home team’s performance? Probably not. Like most of you, most if not all of the Knights pigskinners haven’t the slightest idea what I’m referencing. As for the outcome? I. Do. Not. Pick. Against. The. Cardinals.

— c d kaplan