Well, it certainly didn’t take long for the 2022 college season to bounce out of control.

Including, you know, at the Bounce House, where my Louisville Cardinals were the Bouncer, and the Knights, winners of 31 of their previous 33 on familiar turf, were the Bouncees.

Cue the Bobby Vee.

 * * * * *

Before I get out the Barb Gun, a shout out to a couple of players from around here.

First, my man Doc told me he was going to write me out of his will if I didn’t give some props to Cardinal punter Mark Vassett. As if I was ever in it for a bequest.

Vassett averaged 48 yards a kick in Orlando, providing advantageous field position for the good guys.

So insistent has Doc been, I’ve taken to calling him Wilbur, in honor of Wilbur Summers, who during one woeful TW Alley season was the Cardinals’ sole weapon.

And to a UK Wildcat. Yeah, U of L fans deal with it.

Jordan Wright made one of the most stunning picks I can remember seeing.

Reminded me of this Old Fart U of L hoops moment. Early in the ’80 title season, highly ranked Ohio State came to Freedom Hall. At one point during the Cards harbinger-of-things-to-come victory, the Buckeyes were trying to get it past midcourt against Denny’s full court press.

Still in the back court, a Buckeye tried to overhead pass it into the front court along the right baseline. At point blank range, Derek Smith reached up and flicked the hard pass out of the air like a Venus Fly Trap.

Well, Wildcat LB Wright was  the same short distance away and corralled a hard not-quite-Heisman-ready-yet Anthony Richardson throw deep in the Gator’s end of the gridiron.

Credit where it’s due, regardless of the color of the uni. Even if it’s got a checkerboard on it.

 * * * * *

Oh the irony of it all.

Scott Frost. Sayonara. After Week II.

The nail in the coffin: a 42-45 setback to, ahem, Georgia Southern. The Eagles from the now P6 Sun Belt totaled a modest 642 yards, giving a virulent case of Statesboro Blues to a gobsmacked throng in Lincoln.

The last time the Huskers tallied 35 or more in Memorial Stadium and lost? Well, never since 1901 at least. Before Saturday, Nebraska was 254-0 in such affairs.

Oh yeah, the irony. Georgia Southern’s coach is Clay Helton. Who, like Scott Frost now, was fired at Southern Cal after Week II last season.

And, if we haven’t been able to discern how the Big Moolah Conference’s new billion buck+++ TV deal affects the affairs of member schools, consider this. Had Nebraska waited until October 1 to say buh bye bye to Frost, it would have cost them 50% of the $15 mill payout for Sunday’s termination.

Seems that $7.5 mill in certain circles these days doesn’t have the same impact it used to.

And, I owe an apology I suppose to Adrian Martinez. He’s the former Cornhusker QB upon whom I heaped plenty o’ scorn the last few Frosty seasons. Well, he was astute enough to transfer portal to Kansas State, where he’s 2-0.

As for the Sun Belt. Marshall won in South Bend. App State won in College Station. And Southern Miss gave the ‘Canes a turrbul scare in FLA.

 * * * * *

As for what’s happening under the frown of TD Jesus, well, Marcus Freeman is the first Fighting Irish coach ever to lose his first three games.

Not even egregiously unprepared Gerry Faust previously from heralded Moeller HS was that bad. At first anyway.

 * * * * *

So, if the game is “Football School or Basketball School?”

Let’s do Kansas.

The traditionally inept Jayhawks are 2-0 after winning 55-42 Saturday in Morgantown. Bill Self meet the new sheriff in town, Lance Leopold. Who is now being prominently mentioned as a primary target of the aforementioned Cornhuskers.

 * * * * *

Is not ready for the task Scott Loeffler ready to be removed at Bowling Green? The Falcons lost in 7 OTS to BCS Eastern Kentucky. Loeffler is now 7-24 as head guy at the northern Ohio MAC school.

You know who once coached there? A guy who is out of coaching job for the moment.

That Pope Urban fella.

I mean, c’mon, a guy deserves a fourth chance to prove he’s a worthy human being, right?

 * * * * *

Who among us hasn’t been more than bit tipsy at a game during our college days?

My hand is raised.

Who among us hasn’t had to fireman’s carry a pal — or date — out of the stadium? But I’ve never seen a college guy quite as out of it as the LSU student who wandered out to about the 20 yard line in Baton Rouge Saturday. During game action.

He. Was. Oblivious.

Track down the video. He didn’t even sense what he was doing was not quite regulation when the gendarmes came after him on the gridiron.

 * * * * * *

I actually saw a mention of the U of L Cardinals as a bowl team today at one of those prediction sites.

Against Southern Methodist in the Something or Another Bowl in Annapolis.

 * * * * *

I’m so sure this season’s cockamamie start will continue this coming football weekend.

Plenty of intriguing action to look forward to.

But none quite as much, for me anyway, as the return of a prodigal son to Fayetteville.

Visiting Missouri State is coached by that fella last seen seriously bruised in the Land of Opportunity in a neck brace trying to explain what he was doing on a motorcycle adventure in the country with a comely 19 year old coed grad assistant, who somehow disappeared before the cops were called after he rolled the bike.

Bobby P, how ’bout leadin’ the faithful in a big ol’ Wooooo Pig Sooey.

— c d kaplan