So, here’s how it works around here at Seedy K Sports Tower, located somewhere between the Old Sears Building and the Old House Restaurant.

On Tuesdays, your nationally renown predictarian, often referred to reverently as the Pope of Predictioneering, is provided with reams of data by his Algorithmic Analytics Support Staff. After consuming said digitally generated assessments, his picks are promulgated.

As part of that raw data, there are built in codified tweaks to favor those whom said expert favors.

Or so it is supposed to be.

Heads are now on the chopping block, but not quite rolling on the floor . . . Yet. But soon. Because, someone who shall soon be standing in the unemployment line at 6th & Cedar failed to program properly.

Otherwise, He Whose Name Is On The Line Weekly a/k/a BW/LTCD would have picked his ever faves, the upticking Oregon Ducks, to best former Quack mentor Chip Kelly’s UCLA Bruins.

But noooooooo. So the miscreant creating that mistake be beggin’ for spare change soon enough in the parking lot outside Dirty Krogers a/k/a DK (pronounced decay).

Had he been doing his job, last week would have been what they call across the pond referring to that other football, a clean sheet.

LSU. ✓

Rutgers. ✓

Clemson. ✓

Louisville. ✓

Week VIII’s final tally thus was 4-1, making the season’s total read, 27-19.

Your favorite Master Forecaster forges forward:

Arkansas @ Auburn. There is one but one clear and logical answer to the query, “What’s the biggest surprise so far this college football season?” Correct Answer: That Bryan Harsin nine weeks into the campaign is still coaching the Auburn Tigers. And that is the case after three Ls in a row to conference foes. The Razorbacks, as Auburn, is 1-3 in the league. Yet is a slight favorite over the Team on the Plains. Here’s what my data tells me. The home team wins. Those Tiger fans in the fatcat boxes wobble out of the stadium kind of, sort of, perhaps happy for the W. But disappointed they’ll have to wait another week before the plug is pulled. At least.

Notre Dame @ Syracuse.  The Orange came back to earth in Death Valley. While comporting themselves admirably if eventually unsuccessfully against the Dabos. Now, in Let’s Get Back On Track Week, here come the underwhelming Irishmen from the Bend o’ the South. One has to wonder if Brian Kelly knew something about his former squad? ‘Cause they sure enough be mediocre. It’s always been the opinion here that Syracuse is dang swell football team. Nothing in the fall to Clemson says otherwise. Will there be that post first L letdown? No. The Carrier Dome rocks yet again.

Miami @ Virginia. If Marcus Freeman’s less than boffo campaign in NW Indiana is surprising, it doesn’t come close to the disappointment in Coral Gables. You got a supposedly on the cusp superstar QB Tyler Van Dyke throwing his fans under the bus. And then you’ve got the underwhelming rookie season of favorite son, Mario Cristobal, the second coming. Or is he 3d or 4th? Let’s see, Schnell, Johnson, Erickson, maybe another dude. Anyway, the Canes are seriously and rather egregiously underperforming. Three Ls in the last four, all at “home,” such as it is an hour + drive from the campus. As for Tony Elliott, well his Cavaliers look lost. Which is what shall be said of the Wahoos after this “battle.” UVa lost.

Kentucky @ Tennessee. Even when Rocky Top is hitting the wrong notes, and the Big Blue is firing on all cylinders, the Cats don’t beat the Vols. Especially in KnoxVegas. In front of a pumped Orange-clad crowd, infused by a full day of preparation. If you know what I mean. Tickets are already being booked out of East Tennessee to the Final Four. Whether that preseason improbability actually plays out is yet to be determined. Will the Vols still be in celebration mode after the heady defeat of the Sabans? C’est possible. But . . . No. Saturday’s W over the visitors shall not impede the progress toward FF consideration.

Wake Forest @ Louisville. #10 Demon Deacons are averaging 41 ppg, with a 17 point margin over their foes. All of whom Wake has conquered but for the elephant in the ACC room, Clemson. The Cardinals, offensive misfires notwithstanding, showed grit, and significant defensive tenacity in overcoming Pitt for its second straight victory. U of L shall be ready for a season defining W.

— c d kaplan