Seedy K’s Peerless Pigskin Prognostications: Week XIII

Readers who don’t understand a lot of the things they read here — and they are aplenty — have asked whether when sleepwalking at night, I type out my lede and predictions and hit Send without copyreading?

Others have wondered if there’s a warehouse somewhere with thousands of monkeys at keyboards banging away? And that I mindlessly cut and paste their senseless output and hit Send without copyreading.

Well, no. And no.

But there are times when I dazzle even myself with the senseless drivel I write.

Like this week, when I totally discarded my original opening shtick. It literally made no sense. Then I came up with the erudition above.

Anywho . . . last week . . .

. . . Minnesota and Okie State lost. My bad.

Auburn, Georgia and the now CFP #25 University of Louisville Cardinals prevailed.

Three up. Two down. 40-26 on the season.

Enough fathomless diversion.

This week’s winners:

Mississippi State @ Mississippi. For some odd reason, having nothing apparent to do with the Magnolia State, this heated rivalry was dubbed the Egg Bowl after the 1927 battle. Because, it is written, fans of the schools got in a brawl after said game. Still? Huh? Egg Bowl? And you thought my ledes don’t make sense. So the major question regarding the only major college clash actually on Turkey Day is whether this will be Lane Kiffin’s last game on the Johnny Rebs’ sideline, before cashing the big bonus for skipping a state over to mentor the Auburn Tigers? As well as having the largesse to purchase sumptuous vacation manses wherever he wishes. As well as continuing his goal of coaching at every school in the Southeastern Conference. He is sayin no. Smart moolah says yes. Will he conquer Cowbell State in his apparent finale by the Grove? Yes.

Michigan @ Ohio State. Trophy? They don’t need no stinkin’ trophy in this which, with all due respects to other heated pigskin rivalries, is The One With The Most Hatred. The Game. Yes, Paul Finebaum, it’s twu it’s twu. I mean these fans talk football 24/7/365. Yeah, I know it happens elsewhere, but, uh, not quite as much. Or I’d opine. So you think all that’s ratcheted up those in Fansville with both contingents coming in with nary a blemish on their resumés? I imagine. In the days of yesteryore, the winner would get to spend the New Year in Pasadena. Things have changed, but not the bile of Wolverine fans and Buckeye faithful. Both squads have flaws, despite being undefeated. Home field advantage is the difference.

South Carolina @ Clemson. I’m advised by my pal in the area that Gamecock fans loooooove Shane Beamer. He’s only 7-4 in Season II of his reign, with Ls to mediocre Florida and Missouri recently. But the guy’s got the DNA. Plus there’s that stunning smackdown of Rocky Top last time out. Are they up to smashing some Orange two weeks in a row? Against the Dabos who clemsoned big time in South Bend a couple weeks back. Other than that, the perennial king of the ACC seem to be on the cusp of Final Four form. SC gets rattled. DJ U……… gets the W.

Notre Dame @ Southern California. This could be termed the Turn Around Bowl. That Sooner abandoner has apparently mended the Trojan Horse rather quickly it seems. At least at the offensive end. He still is paying less attention to D, which always came home to roost late in the season when he coached in Norman. Meanwhile the Fighting Irish appear to have righted the ship after a few inexplicable slip ups early. Marshall? With TD Jesus looking on? Really? Can the visitors redux their performance as against Clemson? Maybe. But probably not. OK, definitely not.

Louisville @ Kentucky. Perhaps the most fascinating stat of this college football season is that U of L has the most Ws in the entire land this season against teams with at least 7 wins. Five. Hmm. Coach Scott Satterfield seems to have quieted those calling for his head on a platter. Put the guillotine away, kids. Despite going 2-4 in the last six, Cat coach Mark Stoops was rewarded with one of those absurd contracts given to the upper echelon of the upper echelon. It’s been five years since the Cardinals captured the Governor’s Trophy. This year, on the road no less, they do. Cards go Krogering.

— c d kaplan