Whither (Wither?) College Sports

What a revoltin’ development this is.

Chester A. Riley’s punchline is the first lede that came to mind, when considering how to weigh in on the weltschmerz Tilt-A-Whirl that is college football’s obvious money grab.

Another descriptor: Cockamamie.

That’s getting in touch with my inner Paul Shaffer.

I also thought of a 1962 Italian “shockumentary” that I thought was pretty cool when I was in HS. “Mondo Cane.” A Dog’s Life.

(I was better able to tolerate depraved and perverse as a teen. Not so much now. Enamored back then, I just watched a trailer for the flick, a smidge of it anyway, and found it pretty disgusting. Which was the point, but still.)

So, yeah. College Sports = Mondo Cane.

I mean it’s been evolving for awhile, but how to explain the acceleration last week? Like every university AD and president put the pedal to the metal like drag racing icon Don “Big Daddy” Garlits.

Of course, that league out on the Left Coast be tossin’ and turnin’ all night for weeks. But still. Then came Black Friday,

When it woke up the Conference of Champions and tried to go to sleep as the PAC IV.


It was like those aforementioned ADs and Prexys had nothing better to do on a summer’s evening, and streamed “All The President’s Men.”

In which Deep Throat famously told Woodstein to “Follow the money.”

(Which in fact real life DT Mark Felt never actually said, just inferred. Dramatic license invoked. Point well made.)

These are the same academic luminaries trying to convince Congress to pass laws to curb Transfer Portal maneuverings and NIL, “run amuck” in their minds.

Pretty ballsy, that.

But, in the world of American sports, what might be the most absurd monetary investment recently might be that made in June by Family 4 Life, a sports agency that represents among others, a number of NFL players.

Their latest client: Ghalee Wadood Jr.

Haven’t heard of him?

No? Imagine my surprise.

The star of Snoop Dog’s Youth Football League out in Cali is . . . 9 . . . years . . . old.

But now he’s got an NIL deal worth, hold your breath, six figures.


That is wackamundo.

As is the ACC’s consideration of inviting Cal and Stanford, who, their academic props and Olympic sports success notwithstanding, add zero value. And, lots of hassle and expense.

Not to mention that anything which might alter an ampersand of the Grant of Rights contract (whose signatories include Notre Dame as a partial member through 2037) would be the stupidest move yet. One worthy of its own TV series.

Ryan Seacrest, ye the new Dick Clark, come on down and play, “Let’s Make a Deal.”

Hey, maybe they could invite Drexel. It’s one of them academic schools. Or The University of the South Sewanee, a member of the SEC long long ago. Or, the University of Chicago, which belonged to the Big 10(18) until 1946.

Drexel that.

— c d kaplan

One thought on “Whither (Wither?) College Sports

  1. Assuming you did not use up your entire cache of sports writer big words, my favorite was whackamundo!

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