Among the many theories I have about nearly everything, there is one pertaining to college football at specifically this time of year which I stand by stalwartly.

To wit: There are always schools with high expectations coming into the season, underperform, then. . . .

. . . spit out the bit.

The players have busted their hump in spring practice, endured workouts over the summer in the heat and weight room under the menacing eyes barbell obsessive traiuners. Then fall practice, then the rigors of game weeks, while also studying Nuclear Molecular History of Physical Nuancing (They are student athletes don’t you know!), while staying in touch with their NIL agents, watching game film, hangin’ out at their fave sorority houses, and playing in their Madden NFL game league.

When underperformance and losses start piling up, when the Commentariat at their schools’ chatrooms sharpens their teeth. The boolah boolah ebbs.

And they start to mail it in instead of competing.

This year’s runaway winner: Trojans of Southern Cal, come on down, enter your name in the transfer portal.

(Yoo hoo, Zachariah Branch come on over to the Belknap Campus. The Brothers Brohm will get you the ball in open space.)

The dudes from Cali with their Heisman QB, started out 6-0, and have already finished their regular campaign at 7-5.

That syndrome describe above is why, to my dismay, they were throttled in their rivalry game by the Bruins from Westwood. USC looked like they’d been whupped with an ugly stick.

I shoulda seen it comin’. But didn’t.

The rest of my weekly predictionary recap is way less as sad.

The Dabos won. The team from the Little Apple won. The Gamecocks took care of the Cats.

Of course, the honeymoon continues for the Louisville Cardinals.

So,  Arch Nemesis Bookstore Billy, feast on this: 4-1. Yet again. Like for the sixth time this year. Ho Hum.

43-22 on the year.

This week’s winners:

Special Bonus Feast Week Dessert Selection. (Who says you can’t have the pumpkin pie before the turducken?)

UConn @ UMass. So why am I weighing in this “battle” between the schools that have become known as UCan’t and UMess? As homage to Ryan McGee’s weekly Bottom 10, where the Huskies reside in the #4 slot, and the Minutemen at #10. McGee has dubbed this the “New England Wicked Smaht Pillow Fight of Da Freaking Week.” Sponsored by Sam Adams. Gotta be, right? The 2-9 Huskies are coming off of a get back W over Sacred Heart. Not the one on Lexington Road, I have to assume, right? After being outscored 9-103 the previous two weeks. The homestanding Minutemen are 3-8. UCan’t cleans up the Mess.

Washington @ Washington State. As an ex barrister I loved how Dub State and O State went to court and gained control of PAC2 governance. Including who gets all the future moolah due the league. Swift and clever move there. Let’s face it, nobody got messed over more than the Cougars and Beavers by league expansions. Which is why the home team should be the fans’ choice. Yet the Huskies have played as hard a schedule as anybody, won ’em all, and are just now getting as much love as they deserve where it matters. In that CFP meeting room. They shall remain unbeaten.

Ohio State @ Michigan. Through the decades I’ve gone back and forth on which school to root for. Michigan because I was born there. Ohio State because my brother did his residency there, and I saw a number of games during the Jack Tatum/ Rex Kern era. Jack Tatum was the baddest dude I ever saw play in person. Then I waffled to whichever team was underdog. So, I’ve kind of rooted for the Wolverines the last few seasons. But, uh, not this time. I have adamantly switched allegiance, because, well you know why because. Karma strikes. Buckeyes triumph in the Big House. Hail to the Victors Not.

North Carolina @ NC State. The Tar Heels, after another L last weekend, might also have slipped into the same quicksand of malaise as the Trojans described above. Actually I believe they have. Mack Brown’s teams seem to have a propensity for that. Meanwhile State finally found its mojo after a mediocre start, and have won 4 in a row. Mark it 5, Donny.

James Madison @ Coastal Carolina. Perhaps before the Nation of Dukes got their u-trou in knot about being bowl ineligible, and filing claims or whatever, they should have called Scotty Davenport over on Norris Place. He could tell them a thing or two about how intransigent the NCAA can be with their rules which have zero basis in rational thinking. Anyhow Dolly’s husband’s school hosted Game Day then lost focus losing its first battle of the year to App State. It won’t happen against the Chanticleers.

Kentucky @ Louisville. This is the year. Cardinals.

— c d kaplan