During Rivalry Week (minus West Point vs. Annapolis), the last weekend of the “regular” season, this happened as it pertains to what goes on in this space.

Louisville lost.

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Excuse me, I needed to go wretch one more time.

Ohio State lost.

Washington won, but their QB couldn’t watch.

The lock of the weekend, NC State wrote and printed out Mack Brown’s resignation letter. Though who knows if he’ll sign it or not?

U of L lost.

James Madison won. And, later thanks to a loophole in NC2A regs, shall go bowling. Fun is Bowling, don’t ya know. (The most jealous man in the land: Scotty Davenport.)

UConn could. UMess remains in need of HazMat cleanup.

(Breaking News): We break into our regularly scheduled tomfoolery to report that one Robert Petrino has been rehired at the University of Arkansas. Neck braces for all. He’s the new OC, and all matters considered, Coach In Waiting. It has not been reported whether his duties will include hiring of graduate assistants. Tis a holiday gift that surely will keep on giving, proof that the Oh So Great & Glorious Greek God of College Pigskin Bronconagurskius exists and still rules the gridiron.) 

Did I mention my Cardinals fell to . . . that other school?

Anyhow 4-2 lifts me to 47-24 on the year.

Here are some are some conference champions:

Oregon vs. Washington (PAC??): Though Seedy don’t need no bettin’ lines, he admittedly looks ’em up before penning this slate of predictions. The Quack, which lost to the Huskies earlier this season, opened at just short of a double digit favorite. I am scratching my head. Figuratively. Because what UDub has done is, uh, win all their games, including four against foes in the Top 20 at the time. That includes the Ducks. So, the question is whether Michael Penix and crew are getting misunderestimated, because of a few close calls lately while winning anyway? The counterpoint: O QB Bo Nix’s numbers, and play, are almost hard to fathom. I’m goin’ with the Fightin’ Phil Knights.

Oklahoma State vs. Texas (Big16): It would just too cool if the Swingin’ Paddles of T Boone Pickens State tell the Burnt Orange to be sure to close the door behind them as they exit the league, shattered horns in their hands. But Sark appears to actually have something working in Austin. Hook ‘Em.

Georgia vs. Alabama (SEC): Though the Crimson Tide could conquer without a miracle, throwing the whole CFP selection process into a chaotic maelstrom, if they need a miracle, they already used it last week against Auburn. It was a play the rivaled that Flutie toss years ago when BC mattered and they beat the U on a Hail Mary. Georgia just seemed to be muddling along there for awhile. But recently has looked as dominant as they should. Are the Bulldogs destined to defend their two consecutive national crowns. Yes.

Boise State vs. UNLV (MW): What we have here is the latest example of absurd AI matchmaking. Worthy of comparison to the generation articles for the once gold standard, Sports Illustrated. The Broncos and Runnin’ Rebs tied for the conference crown. Along with the Spartans of San Jose State. This digitally inspired confederation decided which two teams would compete for the Crown in Vegas using computer rankings. Whatever happened to good ol’ analog tiebreakers. First year mentor Barry Odom did some major turnin’ around. UNLV hadn’t had a winning campaign since Liberace was the main attraction at the Sahara. But they made it to the title tilt, even though they lost their finale to that school what got left out. Boise State made it, even though they fired their head coach midseason. The Bugsy Siegels prevail on the Strip.

Florida State vs. Louisville (ACC): Some how. Some way. Cards head to a bowl of consequence, wearing the crown. ACC Champion.

— c d kaplan