If memory serves, and it mightn’t, it was Bill Battle.

The by then beleaguered Tennessee football coach for whom Rocky Top loyalists were quickly losing their fealty, came home from another dispiriting Volunteer defeat to find his front yard festooned with For Sale signs. Which had been pilfered from neighborhood yards that were actually on the market.

You know like that flock of flamingos Aunt Martha had placed in front of the hacienda upon the occasion of Uncle Nate’s 50th.

Which I thought of while watching the Florida Gators getting whupped up oneside o’ the helmet and the other Saturday. At home. To arch instate rival Miami.

Mentor Billy Napier was atop just about every hot seat list entering the season. Now, the term Dead Man Walking comes to mind.

Let’s hope in this more contentious world than Battle had to battle, Napier doesn’t pull into his driveway to find a bunch of live Florida mascots swarming about the lawn looking for something to eat.

The college pigskin season is upon us.

Blissfully for some of us. Not so for others.

In some quarters, tsouris already is present.

Brian Kelly, talkin’ ’bout you.

 * * * * *

Celebrating the new expanded Big Ten during Opening Thursday, the Minnesota marching band displayed the flags of all the schools, including those new Left Coast mercenaries.

Except that, it appears, the flag they used to honor Southern Cal was actually that of Simpson College. Which is a private Methodist-affiliated institution in Indianola, Iowa of considerably lesser football heritage. But one with similar initials and school colors.

Not what the struggling Gopher pigskinners need to further rile up the Trojans, who come to Minneapolis for a visit first weekend of October.

Especially, since last night in Vegas, USC indicated it has an honest to top tier D to go along with savant Lincoln Riley’s O. And appears now to be formidable and legitimately in play for that Top Twelve.

 * * * * *

JM Atherton High School Rebels 41, WEB DuBois Academy 6.

 * * * * *

OK, OK, OK already.

The Joe Tessitores and Gus Johnsons of the world, and their producers, need to understand . . .

. . . we know how the new CFP works. Honest.

We do not need it explained during Every Single Break In The Action.

Enough please.

 * * * * *

Among the highlights of Sunday night’s Trojan/ Bayou Bengal back and forth — best game of weekend other than Boise State’s W over Georgia Southern — was the appearance of Ben Herbstreit.

Ben is Herby’s increasingly famous Golden, who travels with him to every game.

Wandering about the booth during the game, an astute cameraman seized the moment with shots of Ben in the booth.

Seems Ben is a certified ESA, emotional support animal, which allows Kirk to take him just about anywhere.

Gotta ask?

Isn’t every single one of our canines an Emotional Support Animal?

I know my serenity hasn’t been the same since Abbey passed on.

 * * * * *

How ’bout those Commodores?

 * * * * *

In a ruling not quite as onerous as when William Zanzinger was handed out strongly for penalty and repentance, a six month sentence, Okie State was advised to remove the NIL QR codes from their helmets.

Coach Mullet did not address the admonishment as I am aware.

 * * * * *

A major Pitt RB has been declared “ineligible.”

Yet he’s still on the team. And practicing.

No further explanation.

Silly old school me. I always thought ineligible meant said student athlete failed his or her Astrological Quantum Psychology seminar. And thus could not participate in any manner.

 * * * * *

Longhorn QB Quinn Ewers might have that Dr. P Fansville gig. (Which is pretty funny and self effacing by the by.)

But that backup he makes reference to therein threw for a score and ran for a score during mop duty Saturday.

Said redshirt rookie backup, who thus far has had limited PT only, is doing just fine it seems.

His NIL deals this season are worth, it is reported, $3.1 millllllllliooon.

Might it have anything to do with the last name he shares with his uncles?

Asking for a pal who pays little attention.

 * * * * *

Speaking of how commercialized this football thing is, this note.

Those Kelce brothers have a new deal with Jeff Bezos for their podcasts.

$100,000,000.

For podcasts?

— c d kaplan