Tag Archives: Clemson

Seedy K’s Take It To The Bank Pigskin Final Four

Football, , , ,

Considerably more football fans than any reasonably intelligent person might have guessed have surprisingly inquired what teams I think will make the CFP (Formerly known as BCS) playoff this upcoming season.

Their wish, etc, etc . . . so, after the following bit of introductory tomfoolery, Seedy K’s Pigskin Final Four shall be revealed.

My original intent for a hook was to co-opt a term oft used by Louisville’s first Heisman winner Paul Hornung back in the early days of cable when he had a weekly wagering show.

That term is “unbuckle.” Which was his way of saying he felt a pick was a lock against the spread, a sure thing, a no way the game will come out any other way.

There are two reasons why I’m not using that term, though I’m certainly killing time here advising you why.

One, “unbuckle” took on a whole new meaning vis a vis Hornung when in October ’06, while he was delivering a pep rally speech before his alma mammy Notre Dame battled UCLA, his pants fell to his ankles. Literally. Fortunately he was behind a rostrum, though those sitting behind him took it in, which we know from a photo displaying their muffled but obvious bemusement.

(In case it might come up on Trivia Night, the answer to the question that’s crossed your mind is “boxers.”)

The second reason for not using the term is that my personal counselor at the bar (who FYI has taped every one of our conversations to cover his buttocks) advises I don’t have enough insurance to pay any potential claims, should an unwitting reader rely on my prognostications to his/her financial detriment.

Which is to say to you loyal readers, “caveat emptor.”

Legal counsel now having confirmed that with the above disclaimer, I have effectively covered my own ass, let’s have at it.

Presented hereinafter, in alphabetical order, the four schools that shall, one guy’s shaky opinion, be competing in the Orange Bowl and Cotton Bowl on December 29, with the victors competing for the “national championship” ten days later. Continue reading Seedy K’s Take It To The Bank Pigskin Final Four →

Hoopaholic’s Gazette: Cramping & Conference Conflicts

Basketball, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

b-ballA bump in the suicide rate from Prestonsburg to the Purchase was avoided the other night, when the buzzer finally sounded and the Cats had finally finished off upstart Ole Miss, a 22 point dog. That the impending defeat was at Rupp in the SEC opener had the good ol’ boys hanging ropes from the rafters, figuring life might not be worth living if the Johnny Rebs hung on.

The circumstances of the game are a great excuse to share one of my favorite bits of shtick from comedian Robert Klein:

One of the most interesting of the ironclad safety measures was that my father insisted I wait one hour after eating before going in swimming; something about dangerous cramping. This was probably derived from some myth about a kid who drowned in the East River in 1924 after eating an entire pot roast. Waiting a bit after a meal before swimming is not a bad idea. But with true Ben Klein hyperbole, I was warned that if I didn’t wait one full hour and not a second less, I would instantly sink like a rock and die a choking, gurgling death. “You’ll go right to Davy Jones’s locker,” my father would say ominously.

I was therefore scrupulous about waiting the full amount of time, regardless of the hot sun and the sight of other kids swimming happily ten minutes after eating. Their parents were evidently irresponsible. The idea of waiting exactly one hour was etched into my brain like a mental tattoo, as if the food would know precisely what period of time had passed since I ate it. One hour – okay; fifty-nine minutes – dead. When I got a little older, my father explained that I really didn’t need to wait a full hour. The actual amount of time a child would have to wait before swimming depended on what the child ate, and my father was the arbiter at the pool or beach who would decide such things. “What did you have, a tuna-salad sandwich? With a pickle?” Continue reading Hoopaholic’s Gazette: Cramping & Conference Conflicts →